A bittersweet elucidation
by Fiera-Rain-Hathaway
Summary: When a stray joke about Rose and Adrian's history together rattles Dimitri, Rose decides it's time to explain the truth behind her previous relationship with Adrian. How will the confession make our favorite couple stronger? Two shot, set after Last Sacrifice.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! :)**

**This is a two shot about Rose explaining her relationship with Adrian to Dimitri. Previously, I'd written it as a one-shot but reading it again made me cringe. So, I've changed a lot of stuff and tried to make it better. **

**The main reason I wrote this is because I've always wondered how Dimitri saw Rose's relationship with Adrian. Didn't he ever wonder why Rose started dating Adrian, if she'd been happy with him and such? Did Dimitri ever feel insecure? I wondered how Rose would explain her relationship with Adrian. Hence, this one story.  
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**I hope you'll like it! :)**

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**RPOV**

Lightning flashed against the dark sky, briefly illuminating the Court grounds. Thunder rumbled overhead and the torrential downpour continued mercilessly.

I wasn't complaining though. I loved the rain.

I've always loved the rain. There was something fascinating...magical about drops descending from heaven. The almighty sun is eclipsed within seconds, surrendering to the mighty dark clouds. Accompanying the clouds in the victory procession are thunder and lightning, the terrifying twins. A dark hush falls over the earth, a heavy stillness before the skies tear open.

I breathed in the fresh smell of the soaked earth as rain drops hit my palm. My perch on the window sill was perfect for rain-watching.

There was one thing missing from this god-sent evening though.

My boyfriend, the great guardian Dimitri Belikov.

If only I could curl up in his arms right now...

The very last ingredient in the recipe for a perfect evening.

But my badass battle god wasn't here yet.

Sighing, I abandoned my comfortable window seat to fetch my phone. Scrolling through the contacts, I found my target quickly and dialed.

"Hello?" The voice of my best friend's boyfriend sounded from the other end.

"Where's your guardian?" I asked him without preamble.

"Uh.."

It was so unlike Christian to hesitate. I knew it could only mean bad news.

"Dimitri left just now," Christian said slowly. "Rose, there is something you should know."

"What?" I asked impatiently. Didn't I just say bad news?

"We were in the guardian headquarters today," Christian replied. "In the file storage room to be exact."

"Why?"

"Paperwork," came Christian's wary reply. "Formalities to be fulfilled, you know...after aunt Tasha's execution."

I took a deep breath, trying to push away the memories of Tasha's execution.

"So, what happened?" I asked Christian, trying a softer tone.

He sighed. "A young guardian, new to the Court was in charge. He said he'd been assigned to sort out the old criminal files. He...Well, he said that he'd read your file."

"My file?" I was confused. _What file was he talking about?_

"Outdated file," Christian replied. "From a year ago. When you'd been...ah, accused."

"You mean my criminal file?" I asked him bluntly. "Saying that I murdered Tatiana?"

"Yeah." Christian cleared his throat. "The guardian, Floyd, he...um, made a joke about you and Adrian. The file had Adrian's statement saying that he'd spent the night of the murder with you in your apartment. Floyd made some pretty stupid jokes about...that night."

A wave of anger rose within me but I ignored it. There were more urgent matters to be dealt with. "What did Dimitri say?"

"Nothing," Christian replied. "You know him. He had his guardian mask on and all that. I had a few words with Floyd though. He won't be joking about it any time in the future."

"Thanks, I guess." I said, trying to sound nonchalant. But I was touched that Christian had threatened someone for me. It was a bizarre concept-thanking Christian.

"Welcome, I guess." Christian said in the same tone I'd used.

For a minute, we were silent before we laughed in unison.

"Tell him the truth, Rose." Christian said suddenly.

"Truth?"

"About you and Adrian," Christian replied. "Anyone could see you didn't love him. You weren't in love with him. Tell it to Dimitri. Don't let the past affect your present."

"Don't go all zen on me, Lord Ozera." I joked, not showing that I thought his advice was actually sensible. "Dimitri is a bad influence on you."

"Not as bad as his influence on you," I could almost _hear_ Christian's smirk at the other end. "We all know what a good little girl you are, Guardian Hathaway. The rash exterior is only for show."

"You wish it was," I retorted. "Anyway, no time for this oh, _so pleasant_ talk. I've to hunt down your guardian now. Bye."

Cutting the call, I seized my jacked and rushed out of my apartment, knowing instinctively that Dimitri would be in his. As I walked to his apartment, I thought about what exactly I should tell him.

_The truth,_ Christian had said.

The truth about my relationship with Adrian.

Dimitri and I had never really talked about it. It just hadn't come up, I guess. It was the past. The last thing Dimitri and I'd wanted to do after finally getting back together after everything was to rehash the past.

Dimitri had never even asked me how far my relationship with Adrian had progressed or why we'd started dating.

He'd asked _nothing_.

And I'd been more than happy to say nothing. After rediscovering my feelings for Dimitri...well, any feelings I'd had for Adrian had just paled in comparison and faded away. I'd realized that I had only loved Adrian as a friend and that had been the end of it for me.

I'd never seen it from Dimitri's point of view.

Deciding that I have to tell Dimitri everything, I hastened my steps towards his apartment. When I reached there, I let myself in using the key he'd given me. Both of us had a key to each other's apartments.

Dimitri wasn't in the living room like I'd expected.

Nor in the bedroom or the bathroom.

Why wasn't he here?

Taking a deep breath, I tried to think about where he'd go.

He'd know that I would come looking for him so he'd wait for me. Yes, he'd wait here, in his apartment.

He must be here.

Looking around, my eyes fell on the small door leading to the balcony.

_Of course! _

But God, or whoever was up there, must really hate me because no sooner had a taken a small step that the power went off.

A power cut? A freaking power cut at the Court? _Unbelievable_!

Now what?

Think, Rose!

Maybe Dimitri had some candles?

As my eyes grew adjusted to the darkness, I moved slowly in the general direction of the kitchen. Switching on the torch in my cell, I searched for any sign of the freaking candles.

Just as I was about to give up, I spotted something large and glassy in one of the lower cabinets.

A...lantern?!

Why on earth did Dimitri have a lantern? It looked like it was a decorative item but if it wasn't working, Dimitri wouldn't keep it stashed away here, would he?

That man never holds on to items which are of no use to him.

The lantern was a little heavy. It was with difficulty that I opened the glass covering.

Using the matches placed near the stove, I lit the candle fixed in the lantern. Slowly, I readjusted the glass covering and made sure that it fit properly.

Yeah...Rose Hathaway being careful. Times change, you know.

Grabbing the lantern, I walked across the hall to the door leading to the balcony.

Pausing for a second before the door, I thought of everything I wanted to say. Strengthening my resolve, I pushed the door open slowly.

It was a small but sheltered balcony. The balcony had a ceiling supported by thin pillars, leaving three sides open and the wall to the fourth side. The rain was still pouring down heavily but the wind direction was such that the rain water didn't spill onto the balcony. It was nice and dry here.

Perfect place for weather watching. Or brooding like Dimitri was.

He was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. He glanced up when I entered; smiling in a way that said that he'd been expecting me.

Shooting him a small smile in greeting, I moved to place the lantern on the small stool that stood to the far side but saw that a hook had been provided from the ceiling. With some maneuvering, I slipped the lantern onto the hook.

Satisfied, I collapsed beside Dimitri, moving to press a kiss on his lips.

He smiled against my lips and pulled me into a deeper kiss. As always, we lost ourselves in the kiss, a thousand messages flowing back and forth between us. My blood burned as my entire body heated up due to the electricity humming in my veins.

This...this was perfection.

My desire to have more of Dimitri warred with my resolution of wanting to talk to him. Dimitri made that decision for me when he pulled away to kiss my forehead.

He'd solved my dilemma without even realizing it.

Or maybe he did.

I snuggled into his side and rested my head against his chest, happy to have a moment of peace. Before I possibly ruined it...

Did I really want to talk about the past when I can so let it go and spend some much needed time with Dimitri?

But then, I realized something.

I could let the past go...I could ignore my past relationship with Adrian because I knew what had happened wasn't important. I could shove it away and call it a mistake because that relationship didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Sydney was the one for Adrian.

And my heart completely and totally belonged to Dimitri.

But did Dimitri know that?

Did he know how insignificant my relationship with Adrian was?

The answer? I wasn't sure...

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure Dimitri knew how much I love him and how much he means to me. He knew he didn't have to worry about me liking someone else.

He was confident enough about my love.

But when he looked back at the past...did he ever wonder why I'd started dating Adrian? Had my relationship with Adrian bothered him?

So many questions...so many.

It was time to answer them all.

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**AN: Part 1 of this two shot is done. If you'd read the previous version, don't forget to tell me if you liked the changes. Part 2 coming up :)**

_**Review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

Dimitri ran his fingers through my hair, threading his fingers through the strands.

We didn't speak for a long time, content to just watch the rain and the occasional lightning.

The downpour showed no signs of relenting; rather it seemed to grow in intensity. Another huge bolt of lightning shot across the sky and I decided I rather liked sitting here, observing the nature at her devastating glory.

It was kinda scary to be out like this but also _very_ thrilling.

As long as I was sheltered by Dimitri's arms and as long as I don't end up being hit by the lightning bolt and turned into _Rose fry!_

Remembering that I had to talk to Dimitri, I reluctantly untangled myself from him and sat up, turning in his arms to face him.

"You heard," he said quietly, brushing my hair away from my face.

I nodded in reply. "I called Christian. We have to talk about it, you know."

Dimitri held my hand in his as he looked into my eyes, "_Roza__, _we don't have to talk about it. I'm not asking for any explanation. I know you and Adrian were together. I don't need to know the details. What matters is that we are together now."

I smiled wryly, "Details matter, comrade. I want you to know everything that ever happened between Adrian and I. Before today, it'd never been much of a concern. But in the future if you're to hear anything on this topic, then you must have the full knowledge of what had happened. So that you know the truth, no matter what others say. You already know everything else about my past, why not this?"

"Because I don't know if I can listen to it." Dimitri confessed softly.

"You listened to all that stuff I went through in Russia while trying to find you," I reminded him. "You managed to listen to my account of those things that happened in Galina's estate. Why not this?"

He sighed. "You're not letting it go, are you?"

I smiled, "You tell me."

A ghost of a smile flickered on his face. He lifted my hand and pressed a kiss to my palm. I took it as a go ahead signal.

"Where do I start?"

Dimitri hesitated. "When did you agree to date him?"

I sighed, "The better question would be, 'why did you agree to date him?'" I paused. "When I decided to...leave the academy, I sort of _convinced_ Adrian to let me borrow money from him."

The last part came out guiltily. Dimitri caught on to it. "Convinced?"

I flinched. "I…well, I played on his feelings for me. I promised him I would give him a chance once I came back to the academy. It was a low thing to do but I didn't have any other alternative."

Dimitri pulled me closer, looking anguished at the pain I knew he could see in my eyes. "_Roza_. It's okay now. I can't imagine what you must have gone through at that time."

I shuddered as I remembered that time without Dimitri, the pain, the heartbreak. One moment we were dreaming about a future together and the next he was ripped away from me, pushing me into the worst time of my life.

But, he's fine now. He's okay. He's here.

Dimitri's steady heartbeat coaxed me to shake off the gloom.

I took a deep breath. "Anyway, after I returned from Russia, I knew I couldn't break my promise to him. When I'd promised to give him a chance, I believed that I would never return to the academy. I would have said anything to get the money then. But Adrian had been very serious about it. He'd been so kind to me, so supportive that I felt I should give him a chance."

Dimitri nodded understandingly. "I would never be able to thank him enough for being there for you."

I smiled. "I had never seen that side of Adrian before. The kind and caring one. Even if he never understood why I did the things I did, he would always support me."

Dimitri laughed."It's hard for anyone to understand that, _Roza_."

I grinned. "Except you."

He smiled, shrugging slightly.

A particularly loud clap of thunder echoed through the skies and I furrowed myself deeper into Dimitri's warmth.

"But that's not all," I said softly.

Dimitri sighed as if he knew I was going to say that.

"Dimitri," I appealed, looking up at him. "I need to get it off my chest. _Please_."

That was the one thing I could have said that guaranteed Dimitri's full attention. He wouldn't protest against listening to me now. The _'please'_ at the end was icing on the cake.

As expected, Dimitri replied, "Go ahead."

Despite my eagerness to confess everything, I was having trouble finding the words. Dimitri squeezed my shoulder encouragingly.

Hesitantly, I started. "No matter how much I tried to convince myself to move on, I couldn't. You were always there, _always_. And that's probably why I couldn't bring myself to get closer to Adrian, despite dating him for nearly four months. My feelings for him certainly grew over the months-" Dimitri's arms around me tightened slightly, "-But it was never enough."

I kind of felt bad for making Dimitri listen to his but he had to know.

Holding Dimitri's gaze, I continued, "I won't deny that there was lust in our relationship. There was. There was affection. But nothing more. There were signs all along that our relationship was destined to be doomed, but we ignored them. Adrian had been convinced he was in love with me and I had been adamant in trying to move on, to forget you."

I shook my head at the recollection of the dinner at Adrian's parents' house. "I actually had been planning to break up with him after I was assigned a moroi. Daniella knew that. That's why she'd accepted our relationship. After the Vegas stunt and getting stuck with paperwork, I thought that maybe Adrian and I could have a forever, if I was assigned to paperwork for my entire life and Adrian continued to be lazy."

Dimitri's soulful eyes hadn't left mine when I was talking. In them, I could see sadness and pain in brief glimpses. _I hated it. _I almost backtracked but wordlessly, Dimitri asked me to continue. The surroundings were illuminated by yet another lightning but all I could see was Dimitri.

"Then, _yo__u came back_." I whispered. "You know what happened between us after that. Especially after the church-" Dimitri flinched "-I was….broken."

I would never ever admit that to another soul except Dimitri. No one, not even Lissa knew how much I'd been hurt that day.

"_Roza_," Dimitri whispered but I cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips.

"I know now why you said that. Believe me, I do. I can never hold it against you, Dimitri. We've already talked about this a long time ago."

Dimitri nodded and took a deep breath. I stroked his silky hair and continued: "I'd locked myself in my room for almost a day. Adrian came by the next evening. He was so good to me, so understanding. One thing led to another and-"

Dimitri stiffened, "Rose, stop. That's enough."

He looked pained and desperate to nothear anymore.

"We didn't sleep together." I said, badly wanting to erase his pain. But I couldn't hide the truth. I had to tell him everything. "We came close but we didn't."

His eyes met mine in surprise.

I sighed, not wanting to remember the details of that night but knowing that I had to.

"It's not because of some noble reason that we stopped." I said truthfully. "The lack of protection was what stopped us. But Dimitri-" I gripped his hand, wanting to make sure he caught everything "-through all that, there was a voice in my head asking me to stop. I knew I wasn't doing it for the right reasons. That voice was drowned in lust but it was there. For a brief moment, I had wondered why exactly I was ready to have sex with Adrian. I didn't know if it was love for Adrian or my own desire to-_be wanted._ To know I mattered to someone."

Dimitri looking scandalized at my train of thought. "You _always_ mattered."

I smiled sadly. "Hard to remember that when the only person I loved more than anything said that his love for me had faded. When my best friend was so busy that she had time for everything else in the world but me."

I didn't say the words with the intention of hurting Dimitri even more. I was just telling the truth. He needed to see things from my perspective. I didn't want him to apologize for the way he had treated me after his restoration. No, I just wanted him to know what I had gone through. Why, in the Mastrano house, I'd said that I loved Adrian.

Looking at Dimitri now, I knew he understood. And despite his protests, he was glad to have heard all this from me. He couldn't bear the thought of me with someone else but he knew that he meant everything to me. He didn't have to feel jealous or threatened by anyone, least of all Adrian.

I was his, the same way he was mine.

A loud clap of thunder brought us out of our silent communication.

I shook my head to clear it and continued. "There's more."

Dimitri arched an eyebrow.

I took a deep, shuddering breath, bracing myself.

"So…the, um, bite marks you saw that day in the café." My voice shook slightly. Dimitri's eyes turned hard as he waited for me to continue. My voice dropped to a whisper. "I let him bite me."

Dimitri drew a deep breath and looked away. "I figured as much."

The hard glint had faded from his eyes, the only sign that he had listened to what I'd just confessed. The hardness was replaced by pain but not shock. He had deduced as much by that day in the café.

I felt _ashamed_….something I rarely felt. I knew what I had done was wrong. _So wrong_. Allowing a moroi to drink from me for pleasure was very low. But at that time, I'd been in a hard place, mere months after being an endorphin addict.

I'm not justifying my actions, not at all. I'm just remembering the facts. Endorphin addiction had not yet faded from my blood and when I saw an opportunity, I took it. I didn't regret it then but looking back, I regret the level I had stooped to. Yes, it was only once. But I had done it, the very thing that I had been taught was wrong. The woman I am today-the loved, cared for and happy woman-definitely sees it for the mistake that it was.

Dimitri didn't ask me why I'd let Adrian bite me. He probably already knew. I knew that he wouldn't judge me. But what he would do was hate himself for making me an endorphin junkie as a strigoi.

"Comrade, no." I warned, staring into those dark eyes.

He just looked at me for several seconds before nodding slightly. I kissed his cheek, thankful that he hadn't slipped into the blaming-himself mode.

"I'm not finished yet." I informed him.

Dimitri nodded again, signaling me to continue.

Tracing patterns on the back of his hand, I continued: "I tried very hard to make myself believe that you were my past and I was over you. My acceptance was fragile and I vowed that after everything was cleared, I would surely return to Adrian. Sonya broke all that."

Dimitri chuckled slightly. "I'm glad she did. It was the same for me, _Roza_. I constantly tried to convince myself that I didn't love you anymore. That I was incapable of love. I tried to see you as nothing more than a friend. Needless to say I failed."

"You wouldn't have failed if I hadn't blurted out what Sonya said about our auras and all that," I retorted.

Dimitri smiled. "I would have broken sooner or later and confessed everything."

I grinned and kissed him quickly. "I'm glad it was sooner than later. But we are getting off the track."

I sobered, remembering that I had to explain my statement about loving Adrian in the Mastrano house. "I'd meant it when I said that I loved Adrian. I had so much fun with him. I'd sought him out for comfort, for the companionship. And for that, I loved him. But that was not the kind of love you have for the one who you were _meant to be with_. It was a more platonic kind of love. When I was with Adrian, I never felt that sense of belonging. But I figured that being with you both was bound to be different. The relationship that I had with Adrian-it was mostly one sided. He would do so much for me and I...I never felt the need to do anything. I'd forget stuff like going to his house for a party, despite being asked by his mother. Adrian had waited whole night for me that time. He was never a constant in my mind…..not the way you've always been, even when I was supposed to be over you."

Dimitri pulled me to him, stroking my hair as I leaned into him. He was listening to everything quietly, allowing me to say whatever I wanted. Now, he would know exactly what my relationship with Adrian had been. After a minute, I leaned away to continue. "I probably could go on about why Adrian and I would never work as a couple. But now you know, what exactly my relationship with Adrian was."

Dimitri smiled ruefully. "That day in Jill's house, when you confessed that you loved Adrian, I felt as if all hope had been extinguished. I knew he loved you, it was fairly obvious. And when you seemed to return the sentiment, I couldn't help but feel as if I had lost everything. I wondered if you felt that connection with him the way we both had…have. If he understood you the way I could. Then, I would remember that I was the one who destroyed everything between us. And that…._Roza_, that was the worst punishment. Knowing that _I _was the reason for the distance between us."

There was a raw pain in his voice that made me feel as if I was the one experiencing that pain.

"You did what you had to," I told him. "Despite everything that happened, we're together. You are stuck with me forever."

Dimitri grinned. "God help me."

I punched his arm lightly, "Hey!"

My eyes met his as we both laughed together.

Thunder rumbled at the exact moment, giving the impression that the sky was laughing with us.

It was one of those moments in my life where I've felt truly content. I felt so light after explaining everything to Dimitri. As impossible as it was, Dimitri and I seemed to be closer than ever.

The continuous downpour created a chilly atmosphere and I snuggled closer to Dimitri. Sensing the cold, Dimitri asked, "Want to go inside?"

I shook my head in reply, curling into his side.

I was lost in the romance of the moment: Dimitri and I out here, in the dark of the night, watching the rain with the lantern casting a warm and romantic glow.

Dimitri's small sigh of contentment told me that his thoughts were very similar to mine. He kissed my forehead lightly before tilting my face upwards toward his. Brushing the stray strands of hair away from my face, he whispered, "I love you, _Roza_."

I smiled happily, "I love you too, Dimitri. Always have, always will."

"I'm holding you to that," he whispered before pulling me into a kiss.

The familiar electricity crackled in the air, charged further due to the electrifying presence of thunder and lightning. The intensified electricity wrapped around us, cocooning us in a thick blanket of warmth and love. Our hearts continued to beat in sync, assuring us that all we needed to live was each other, that we would be lost without the other. Nothing mattered at this moment, no one but each other….

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**AN****: I'm very sorry for the grammatical mistakes. But that aside, how was it? I hope I've covered everything in this two-shot, the many facets to Rose and Adrian's brief relationship and romitri sweetness. **_**Review **_**and let me know what you thought about this. Thank you! :)**


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